Rule Number One of Depression Club, Don’t Talk About Depression Club & Good Mood Food
Moody, emotional, a little sad, fragile, in a dark place, down in the dumps, or my personal favourite saying, under the weather.
All phrases, words used by those of us who have depression to make other people feel better about the way we, I, am feeling, and words to stop people asking how I’m really feeling because having to answer with the truth is so, so exhausting.
I know I’m not alone in this, and it’s funny (not in any laughing way) that me, an ex-counsellor, who should know better, still feels the need to play down how I feel to the people who love me.
Maybe it the very fact that I’m an ex-counsellor that makes it’s so hard for me to “speak” the truth to others about how I really feel, or maybe it’s my upbringing (let’s not even start the nature nurture debate here) or maybe it’s just part of depression itself.
Rule number of one of depression club, don’t talk about depression club.
“How are you today”? is probably one of the most over used and under answered question I know.
No, let me re-phrase that.
Over used as an alternative way of saying “hello”, not expecting or wanting an answer, and under answered in any truthful way.
That was until lockdown0.1
Now, all I’m reading about is how everyone’s feeling.
From Prince Harry to Kanye West, everyone is on tick tock or other social media spilling their guts about the bad weather, every bad hair day, dying sough dough starter and unrisen banana bread.
With all that is going on in the world and in our faces, with COVID19 indiscriminately attacking the people we love leaving the world in isolation as lockdown 0.3 takes hold it can seem as if “moaning” about feeling moody, emotional, a little sad, fragile, in a dark place, down in the dumps, or under the weather is a little bit indulgent.
After all we’re not dying, right?
Wrong!!!
Feeling this way without anyone knowing is like dying inside, and before you take a big inhale of breath to tell me it can’t possibly be that bad, or don’t be so dramatic, just stop and listen to yourself and know that you wouldn’t be doing that if you had been depressed at any time in your life.
Also remember, that I don’t have a drama queen or a victim side to my personality.
If I did, talking about my feelings would be something I’d relish and I wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Being depressed is a very lonely place, I know that I often feel alone even on my favourite days of the year.
I also know that it’s much easier writing down how I feel than having to tell someone what’s really going on for me
It’s exhausting to have to try to explain what is going on and have to try to answer the inevitable questions, there are always questions.
Of course there are!
People love me and want to help.
People want to help and to do that they need to be able to understand.
There lies the problem.
It’s impossible to understand what it’s like to feel depressed if it’s a state you’ve never experienced yourself.
It’s impossible to try to understand what it’s like to feel my depression, unless you’re me. See the dilemma.
Asking to understand how I’m feeling in order to try to help is a loving and caring thing, for many, it may be the question that leads to a gushing of words.
Not for me.
For me having someone ask me to be honest and tell them what they can do to help me, or say kind words such as, “I’m here for you when you’re ready to talk,” immediately leaves me with two more things to heap onto my depression.
There is a huge sense of guilt about being so selfish, and trust me, depression is a very selfish state to be in.
It’s an all-consuming lack of energy, internal turmoil that leaves me with no room for my own world never mind anyone else’s.
See the polarisation of those statements.
Feeling selfish and guilty for feeling the way I do, yet at the same time feeling selfish and guilty if anyone else knows that’s how I’m feeling, because I shouldn’t be feeling like this, and I certainly shouldn’t give the weight of my feelings to anyone else to carry for me.
And breath!
Guilt and selfishness, two of the most useless emotions to have.
The only person they effect is the person who has them, yet they are a mainstay of most people’s depression.
So how do I explain enough about what is going on for me to let those I love have any understanding, and to help those who want to help me?
If I don’t “share” the accusation is that I’m pushing people away and not letting them in, which just completes the circle of guilt and shame.
Sharing, is just too bloody tiring.
Once again, the circle brings me right back to the beginning, to the impossible task of not being able to “chat” about how I feel, because not being able to talk about it is actually part of it.
God this is exhausting!
With the whole world taking a trip to crazy, what would normally be an inconsequential thing under real world conditions, are now mind blowingly large (did I mention the banana bread?) which has given rise to two ways of thinking about things.
Either you’re in the camp of let’s eat everything from the bottom of my sweety draw or the other camp of, let’s get fit and learn an extra language.
Personally, I fall somewhere in the middle.
My mental health is helped by a smidge of the bad stuff, you know the sort of things; chocolate at weekends while watching bad box sets on the telly, and then cooking for my mental health which doesn’t necessarily use healthy ingredients.
You don’t have to look too far to find out which foods are the ones to support good mental health, but just in case you’re still in the world of bad box sets, I’ll go over a few just to get you started, and maybe a couple of easy-peasy recipes too.
Fatty Fish
Let’s start with a bit of fatty fish, a specific favourite of the lovely Mr G.
Why fish that is fatty?
It’s all about the oils, Omega-3 fatty acids to be precise. Our bodies don’t make them, so we have to get them into our system any way we can.
Fatty fish is the way to do this, my favourite is a good old wedge of salmon.
Some studies have been done that show eating omega-3 in the form of fish oil can lower depression, so if eating fish isn’t for you, get yourself some good quality supplements instead.
Of course, it doesn’t have to be salmon, you can go for mackerel, trout, herring, mussels, sardines or even anchovies, and with a choice like this, there’s bound to be at least one fish that you’ll fall in love with.
I’ll leave it to you to find out which works for you.
Dark Chocolate
What about a bit of chocolate, of the dark kind obviously! You didn’t think this was going to be the high fat creamy kind of chocolate day, did you?
If I can have chocolate in any form, I’m willing to put up with that not having it full of fat, although Ferrero Rocher is still my Christmas treat.
Chocolate lets us have a cascade of feel-good compounds similar to cannabinoids that have been linked to improving moods.
I for one am up for that.
If you’re not into the high cocoa concentrate chocolate straight onto your tongue, sometimes it can seem a little bitter, add it to your cooking.
Drop a bit into your gravies, sauces or Bolognese, and a couple of cubes into your favourite smoothy is definitely worth it.
If you’ve not found a favourite smoothy yet, get right on it, you’ll not regret it.
Fermented Foods
Not the easiest things to persuade someone to eat, but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.
What about a bit of sauerkraut, kefir or probiotic yoghurt?
Singletons have a great kefir cheese and if you click this link, you’ll see the recipe for Kefir Cheese, Leek and Red Pepper Scones. Delicious!
Don’t let the thought of fermented food scare you. You can go down the kimchi route, and a little bit of kombucha never does anyone any harm.
Fermentation works magic by allowing live bacteria to thrive in foods which then convert the sugars into alcohol and acids which is when probiotics are created.
By promoting healthy bacteria in the gut (just like the adverts tell us), they are thought to increase our serotonin levels.
Just in case you thought you could drink your way to a better mood, fermented foods such as some breads, beer and wine aren’t the way to go, to be honest, some can have the opposite effect, and that headache the next day. Ouch!!!
Kefir cheese, leek and red pepper scones
Bananas & Other Fruit
Who’d have thought that all the advice about eating more fruit and vegetables as a way of lowering depression and mood swings would be true.
Let’s take bananas, not just full of fibre but also B6 helping with the dopamine and serotonin we all need for mood control. That leads us right back to that banana bread.
Go on, get your banana on and while you’re picking up a bunch of those, get yourself some blueberries too.
A handful of these purple beauties and you should see a positive result on your mood in a couple of hours.
Oats
I don’t think there is anyone who’ve not heard about the properties of oats, slowly releasing energy into the bloodstream to keeping your energy levels stable.
Not being a hot porridge lady myself, too many memories of my Dad making it with water and salt, having it cold for breakfast is the way I prefer to go and overnight oats are my go-to make ahead dish.
Whichever way you choose to eat yours, oats regulate blood sugar levels throughout the day helping to control mood swings and irritability, just what you need especially when the sun isn’t shining much.
Added blueberries and banana ready to eat
Need an easy recipe for overnight oats?
That’s a no brainier:
1 cup of oats
1 – 1 ½ cups of milk of your choice (my preference is soya, but you use whatever you fancy)
1 teaspoon honey
Add flaxseed, chia, nuts, seeds and other ‘good for you’ things.
Optional
1 teaspoon Flaxseed
1 teaspoon chopped nuts
1 teaspoon seeds
Mix it all together, cover and leave in the fridge overnight.
Nuts and Seeds
Plant based proteins come in all shapes and sizes and nuts and seeds are a quick way to get them. Full of amino acids and responsible for producing mood boosting serotonin, there are so many to choose from.
My favourite are walnuts, but you can grab some almonds, peanuts, sesame and sunflower seeds too.
Let’s find a number to go with these nuts.
A longitudinal study over 10 years, linked moderate nut intake of nuts to 23% lower risk of depression.
I’ll take that.
Some nuts and seeds, such as pine nuts (one of my particular favourites) brazil, and almonds are great sources of selenium and zinc. Supposedly both of these are needed for high brain function and to beat depression, and keeping a supply of flaxseeds to add a tablespoon or two to your cold oats or soups is a great way to go too.
Spices
What about a little turmeric in your life?
Supposedly it helps with depression by reducing brain inflammation and for me an essential addition to home-made hummus or curries.
Get growing rosemary, sage & thyme in your herb garden. Easy and cheap to grow, don’t take up a lot of space and you can add them to anything and everything.
Don’t just wait until you get your bake on to throw a little cinnamon, vanilla or nutmeg in your cooking. Adding these to savoury dishes gives a depth of flavour that will take you by surprise, and you’ll be giving your happy a boost too
So, depression, even if you cant talk about it, get cooking and maybe, just maybe it will help you start feel more in control and if not, at least you’ll have some great things to eat.
Enjoy your sweet life
